A mammoth collection of user-contributed quotes, sayings and facebook-friendly things to like!
Sorry about those texts last night. My phone was drunk.
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I love being in that mood where everything is hilarious. Comments
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It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.Like if this made you smile. |
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Orange face white neck stuffed bra well arent you gorgeous |
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When I'm bored I like to play a game with my deaf wife whilst she is hoovering. I unplug it and time how long it takes her to notice. |
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Take car, go to Mum's, kill Phil, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over |
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Throwing everything off the bed onto the floor when you return hammered. |
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Its Hard Being The Coolest Cousin Out Of All Your Cousins! |
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We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer. |
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"If you fall in love with 2 people, pick the second person. Because if you were really in love with the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the second " |
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Boy: Make a C with your right hand . Girl: okayy .makes a C. Boy: smiles and makes c with his left hand, placing it near hers. Girl: A heart? Boy: no . my stomach. and its empty, make me a sandwich. |
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A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69." She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care." They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings. She says, "Answer the door." He says, "But my face is a mess." She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich." He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich." The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead." |
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That one person you won't give up on. No matter how much they've hurt you, lied to you, and ignored you. Only because you know , deep down inside , that you love them more than anything. |
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ANSWER THE PHONE YOU FUC- "Hello?" Oh hiya.. |
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CLICK IF BRUCE ALMIGHTY TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SPELL BEAUUUUTIFUL |
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that horrifying moment during an argument when you realise you are wrong :L |
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laughing at your own joke before you even start to tell it . |
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Guy: Wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long. Girl: Wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it |
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What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty?" The answer? "A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber. |
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Dear Facebook, We've noticed you changing and would just like to warn you, that's kinda why we left bebo. We like consistancy. Your Sincerely Facebook Users. |
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Today, I read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number? |
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hmmm, I wonder how many girls he's said that to... |
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the awkward moment wen ur vajayjay isn't vajazzled!! |
